Pretty Much the Coolest & Unique Star Wars Stuff You Can Buy

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Star Wars XWing Pilot Jacket!
Star Wars X-Wing Pilot Jacket!

Me Want Now

Pretty much the coolest Star Wars Stuff You Can Buy

Star Wars Stacking Mugs

Star Wars Stacking Mugs

I call not drinking out of Luke Skywalker’s crotch! Star Wars Stacking Mugs. Divided into thirds both vertically and horizontally the trio features the uppers, privates, and legs of Luke, Han Solo, and a random Stormtrooper. Yeah, I was wondering why a Stormtrooper too. But I guess they figured sticking…

$25 from PrezzyBox »
Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block

Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block

What person on the planet…no…in galaxies both near and far, far away is not going to want a Star Wars X-wing knife block? Kids, geeks, chefs, home cooks, people who like knives, people who like food…. Admittedly, the kitchen blade holster’s design isn’t an exact replica of the Lucasfilm starfighter…

$117.80 from The Fowndry »
Star Wars TIE Fighter Nutcracker

Star Wars TIE Fighter Nutcracker

TIE Fighters may be fragile, but they’re strong enough to crush your nuts. Rebel pecans, Jedi almonds, your only escape now is through my GI tract!…

General Grievous Sixth Scale Figure

General Grievous Sixth Scale Figure

You and your Armies of the Confederacy aren’t so scary at 1/6th your size, are you General? Whoa. What?! Did you just swing one lightsaber in each hand and a third in your left foot at me, Grievous? Crap. You have fully-articulated arms, legs, neck, and torso don’t you? OK fine. I guess you are as…

$254.99 from Amazon »
Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook

Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook

All I have to say is Wookiee Cookies better just be a treat Wookiees love and not a treat Wookiees are…you know…baked into. I don’t need Chewie ginger snaps describing anything but the texture of my favorite after-work snack….

$13.64 from Amazon »
Star Wars: Jedi Academy

Star Wars: Jedi Academy

Well, Star Wars: Jedi Academy doesn’t come in a sweet mechanical vault or reveal ancient secrets of the Jedi discipline like The Jedi Path, but I bet it will be an easier purchase to share with your kids. I mean that in the sense of both reading the book together and, more importantly, allowing Jr….

$7.73 from Amazon »
The Star Wars Vaults

The Star Wars Vaults

All of the secrets and lost histories of a galaxy far, far away could soon be yours. Enter to win the profusion of lore and artifacts contained in this triumvirate of Star Wars Vault Edition volumes: The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force, Book of Sith: Secrets from the Dark Side, and…

Star Wars Sunshade

Star Wars Sunshade

Would it be too much of a conflict of interest to get a Star Wars sunshade featuring the Millennium Falcon crew for my windshield if I already have Darth Vader floor mats installed? I mean, on the one hand they’re going to hate, and could conceivably kill each other, when I leave them in the car…

$14.99 from Amazon »
Lightsaber BBQ Tongs

Lightsaber BBQ Tongs

The battle is in full-swing. It’s Humans vs. Winter. The prize: Grilling Season. What weapon will you use to fight your way past the blustery cold and through the trenches piled with snow? I choose lightsaber. Because my motto is Go Galactic or Go Home. Also I just found a lightsaber I can convert…

$33.50 from The Fowndry »
Victorian Star Wars Portraits

Victorian Star Wars Portraits

The Star Wars boys give a pretty decent representation of Victorian times, huh? Jabba the Hutt almost looks dapper. Or at least less like the massive wart my friend Cornelius grew on the inside of his arm when he went to hunt snapping turtles in Texas one weekend. Chewie looks very poised as well….

$499 from Kult »
The Bounty Hunter Code

The Bounty Hunter Code

Around the time legendary bounty hunter Boba Fett tumbled into the Great Pit of Carkoon, the Rebel Alliance discovered a secure, blast-proof bounty hunter’s case holding Boba Fett’s personal items. For years it remained hidden away. But now all who wish may unlock the secrets held within…….

$59.99 from Amazon »
Star Wars I Am Your Father Print

Star Wars I Am Your Father Print

Luke was never the apple of his daddy’s eye, but thanks to fine artist Christian Waggoner, he will forevermore be the reflection in Vader’s mask….

$125 – $1,699 from Kult »
Star Wars Pipes

Star Wars Pipes

One good way to bring the Dark Side and the Light Side together is to get them all stoned. What, we’re fighting? I’m trying to eradicate you from the galaxy? OK, well…why don’t we order some deep dish pizzas…and a few dozen Krispy Kremes…and watch Dude, Where’s My Car? first? A few more puffs…

$59 – $75 from Etsy »
Book of Sith: Secrets from the Dark Side

Book of Sith: Secrets from the Dark Side

This is the time of year that we gather up all the crap we got for Christmas and return it/sell it on Craig’s List so we can use the money to buy the stuff we really want. Like the Vault Edition of Book of Sith: Secrets from the Dark Side, which my mama did not put under the tree for me even though…

$59.99 from Amazon »
Star Wars Love Pillowcases

Star Wars Love Pillowcases

Han Solo. You mack. The only lady I could get away with saying, “I know” in response to “I love you” to is my mama. I actually have proof of this in the form of the one other time I tried it on the one other lady who ever told me she loved me. I got a Hi-C juice box thrown at me, and it hit me in…

$55 from Etsy »
Star Wars: The Blueprints

Star Wars: The Blueprints

In Star Wars: The Blueprints, “the meticulously researched text gives voice to the groundbreaking and brilliant engineers, designers, and artists that have, in film after film, created the most imaginative and iconic locales.” You know what that means? I don’t. I have no clue what that stuck up librarian…

$59.99 from Amazon »
Designer Star Wars Jewelry

Designer Star Wars Jewelry

Paul Bierker is a formally educated designer with a BFA in Jewelry Design and Graphic Design, and a BAMF in handcrafted Star Wars jewelry. Even I might wear a ladies’ sapphire and diamond ring if it also looked like the head of R2D2. And if it could be Ryan Gosling who slipped it on my finger….

$42 – $4,950 from Etsy »
Star Wars Cuff Links

Star Wars Cuff Links

Here are some officially licensed Star Wars cuff links, courtesy of fancy silk underpants department store Neiman Marcus, to present as a gift to your favorite geek this holiday season. Presuming your favorite geek is worth between $125 and $4,000 to you. If he only ranks in at around $60, or is…

$125 – $4k from Neiman Marcus »
Star Wars Shooting Targets

Star Wars Shooting Targets

Apparently, we’re allowed to take aim only at the Dark Side. Sneaky Studios didn’t design any of their Star Wars shooting targets with Luke or Han or Yoda behind the bullseye, which in a way cuts out an entire buyer demographic, but also in a way is only right because ethically it’s OK to promote…

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Designer Star Wars Watches

Designer Star Wars Watches

What elevates a Star Wars watch to designer status? Uhhh…price tag? Sophisticated aesthetics? Not coming attached to a rubbery plastic band my dog and I can chew on? And if that’s the case, why exactly would I want a designer Star Wars watch? I kind of like the one I got for $5 at Ben Franklin…

$199.99 from ThinkGeek »
Star Wars Death Star Soccer Ball

Star Wars Death Star Soccer Ball

Talk about taking one for the team. I wouldn’t kick that thing. I’d gingerly pick it up, tuck it under my arm, and run for my life as it rained yellow cards. The Death Star soccer ball is a limited edition release, part of some Star Wars Celebration Europe II series of merchandise. So of course it’s…

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »
Star Wars Lightsaber Thumb Wrestling

Star Wars Lightsaber Thumb Wrestling

How do you declare a thumb war in Wookieespeak? Yeah, that’s right, 1, 2, 3, Raaawwwrrr! Time to suit up, buckle down, and probably tie one on, Cornelius, because I challenge you to a lightsaber duel. From the knuckles down….

$10.33 from Amazon »
AT-AT Dog Costume

AT-AT Dog Costume

It’s an AT-AT. Costume. For your dog. I know Halloween is still 2 months and 14 days away, but I sense these babies are going to sell out quick come October 1st. And anyway, a lot of dog owners get a charge out of dressing up and humiliating their supposed best friends regardless of what date the…

$14.25 – $20.35 from Amazon »
Star Wars Adult Onesies

Star Wars Adult Onesies

Star Wars onesies for adults are what’s called being comfortably chic on Halloween, and F’ing awesome the other 364 days of the year. Boba Fett, R2-D2, a stormtrooper, and the grandaddy of being the worst daddy of all time, Darth Vader, join forces to liven up bedtime for the 18 and over crowd. That…

$64.45 from Amazon »
William Shakespeare's Star Wars

William Shakespeare’s Star Wars

Previously, I didn’t think it was possible for Luke to sound like any more of a dipshit when he spoke, but I bet throwing in some iambic pentameter will prove me wrong. Adoring fans, get your bookshelves and e-readers ready. William Shakespeare’s Star Wars has landed, and you’re about to experience…

$8.49 from Amazon »
Star Wars R2-D2 Bra

Star Wars R2-D2 Bra

Noooooo! As if there weren’t enough things in this world to make me horny! Now R2-D2 is getting in on the tent pitching action? Etsy vendor Sceene Shoes, also of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bra fame, shares some Star Wars boobie cup action with the boobielicious and, more importantly, those who…

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Star Wars X Wing Pilot Jacket

Star Wars X Wing Pilot Jacket

Mark Ecko is doing everything he can to make Star Wars a leading name in high fashion. I just wish the items were priced in accordance with the bank accounts of Star Wars fans rather than those of Star Wars actors and directors. Furthering Ecko’s series of iconic cinematic hoodies: the X-Wing Pilot…

Sold Out from Amazon »
Star Wars Gummies

Star Wars Gummies

A Death Star that blows up your mouth, not your planet. ZOMGnomnomnom’s gummy Star Wars candies come in standard bear flavors and colors, but trade in the ursine molds for those of superlaser-shooting globes, Darth Vaders, R2D2s, Han Solos in Carbonite, Millennium Falcons, and Stormtroopers. All…

$5 – $25 from Etsy »
Star Wars Cats Pincushions

Star Wars Cats Pincushions

One thing I really do not like is cats. Which makes them the perfect subject for a pincushion. Their Star Wars spin trips me up a little–it’s going to be way less gratifying to stab a Han Solo cat in the gut than it would be just to stab a cat in the gut–but at least this way it will be slightly…

$22 – $23 from Etsy »
Star Wars Meets Chinese Folklore Prints

Star Wars Meets Chinese Folklore Prints

Yesterday was May 4th and son of a bitch if I didn’t bone the opportunity to run these Star Wars prints and say, “May the 4th be with you.” And today is May 5th, another special day, particularly for the peoples of Mexico, and I decide to present you with Yodas and Stormtroopers and Darth Mauls outfitted…

$18.90 from Etsy »
Star Wars Kink

Star Wars Kink

At first I was like, “Huh. Star Wars auction paddles and rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Ummm…neat?” But then I looked up what BDSM is* and suddenly the gallery of items before me got a lot more interesting. GeekKink’s Star Wars collection of paddles, canes, restraints, and floggers give everything…

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Second Skin Star Wars Suits

Second Skin Star Wars Suits

Costume Craze has released a whole line of Second Skin Star Wars suits for 2013, but I feel like if a man is going to put a definitive outline of the family jewels on display, the face of a Wookiee would complement them much better than would the face of a treacherous bounty hunter or a traitorous…

$63.79 from Costume Craze »
AT-AT Dress

AT-AT Dress

Whenever someone compliments a girl’s article of clothing, as in, “That’s a nice dress,” my friend Kristen always pipes up, “Is it the dress or the girl in the dress?” Touche, Kristen. Typically it is the girl in the dress. Typically if I go so far as to say anything to a girl about her dress I can’t…

Star Wars Baby Mobile

Star Wars Baby Mobile

So I get that this Star Wars baby mobile is probably hand spun from fine wool and all, but is the wool shorn from golden fleeced sheep? Does the miniature Millennium Falcon also contain a miniature Han Solo and Chewie? Who are living and ready to read your children bedtime stories and protect them…

$380 from Etsy »
Star Wars Stormtrooper Mug

Star Wars Stormtrooper Mug

I would describe this Storm Trooper mug as geeky with a side of class. Meaning that I probably wouldn’t purchase it for someone who isn’t into Star Wars, but I wouldn’t feel bad about purchasing it for someone who is into Star Wars, yet cohabitates with someone who isn’t and finds herself (not to…

Sold Out from Etsy »
His & Hers Star Wars Rings

His & Hers Star Wars Rings

I like the idea of the Force being with me, but I also like the idea of stuff. With one of these Star Wars rings I will still be able to envision and harness the power of an intangible Force, but, more importantly, I’ll be able rub for good luck a dope manifestation of it while doing so. A sterling…

$650 from Etsy »
Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace

Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace

Christmas: Over. Valentine’s Day: Dammit! Still to come. But get your wife/girlfriend/favorite cheese girl at the Whole Foods a Star Wars Death Star Heart Necklace, and you’ll both check another gift off your list and make staring at her chest even more enjoyable. See, who says you can’t be considerate…

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The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force

The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force

According to high-ranking officers of the Galactic Republic, through wars and rebellion, only a single copy of The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force has survived. They add, “It is now passed on to you.” Holy truffled Millennium Falcon, me? As this chick at the gym I have a massive crush…

$59.99 from Amazon »
Star Wars Comics Dress

Star Wars Comics Dress

Aaahhh! Sensory overload! Star Wars, comic books, low cut, short skirt, hot girl…too many pleasing stimuli for my sensitive male ecosystem to process. Now this is a New Year’s Eve dress if I’ve ever seen one….

$89.99 from Etsy »
Star Wars Chocolates

Star Wars Chocolates

Mmm, handmade Star Wars chocolates. The best thing to come out of the Galactic Republic since the Intergalactic Identity Management Agency cleared Planet Earth for passports. Nikki Belleperche’s Force-injecting variety pack includes 1 Millennium Falcon truffle, 1 Han Solo in Carbonite truffle bar…

$13 from Etsy »
Star Wars Prints

Star Wars Prints

Artist Ryan McArthur might just be Epson printing a name for himself as an icon of icons. His Walking Dead Minimalist Prints gave understated life to the essences of Sheriff Rick Grimes & Co., and now his Star Wars Prints pay similar homage to some of cinematic history’s greatest reels of film. The…

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Star Wars Huttese Translator Ring

Star Wars Huttese Translator Ring

Communication, so the saying goes, is key. How appropriate then for the bilinguists of the Galactic Republic to provide us with this Translator Ring, a finger-sized key to communicating with the Huttese. Imagine how Jabba would soften towards you if only you could tell him a joke in his native tongue….

$15.99 from Amazon »
Star Wars Spandex

Star Wars Spandex

I have always felt that Star Wars could use more of two things: skin and spandex. Princess Leia bikinis notwithstanding, I’m sure you agree. Right? Well, ever present to charge forth and fill a gap that never really existed, but in a way that makes us feel happy and slightly turned on anyway, Black…

$123 – $134 from Black Milk Clothing »
Star Wars Glasses

Star Wars Glasses

But here’s the question: would you be able to tell they’re Star Wars glasses if I didn’t tell you they’re Star Wars glasses? Well either way, fancy Japanese marketing and branding are about to bring you subtle colors and trademark embellishments of Vader, Luke, R2-D2, a Stormtrooper, and Boba Fett…

$499.99 from Gizmine »
R2D2 Baby Costume

R2D2 Baby Costume

I know your toddler is a unique and special snowflake, but now you can turn him into a programmable, monotone android too and revel in the irony! Carolyn Caffelle calls her R2D2 onesie and hat a costume, though I think everyone can agree that this Star Wars bad boy is way too sweet to be donned only…

$48 from Etsy »
Star Wars Terrariums

Star Wars Terrariums

Although caged in a hanging glass globe, Yoda appears at peace amidst the pebbles and artificial mosses of his terrarium. Artist Tony Larson first hand-carved the terrain and planted the delicate landscape before showing the vintage figure of wisdom and disjointed syntax to his new home. Again, the…

$95 from Etsy »
Wampa Ice Scraper Mitt

Wampa Ice Scraper Mitt

Who better to scrape the 8 inches of snow and half-inch screen of mother f’in ice off your windshield this winter than the abominable snowman himself? Or at least his severed limb. Slide on the Wampa Ice Scraper Mitt, and watch the layers upon layers of celestial poo the sky dumped on your car glide…

$24.99 from ThinkGeek »
LEGO Star Wars B-wing Starfighter

LEGO Star Wars B-wing Starfighter

The LEGO Star Wars B-wing Starfighter. 1,486 pieces. Model number 10227. 26″ wide x 15″ tall. Retail price a surprisingly reasonable $200, given the detail and artistry of the Galactic behemoth at hand. We said it too: Holy Vader, father of Luke! But then we had to regroup. Sit back in our Stormtrooper…

$200 from Youtube »
Wampa Rug

Wampa Rug

In these progressive times, more and more monsters are coming out from under the bed, and unabashedly scaring the bejeezus out of little kids and first time visitors to where the magic happens from right alongside it. The abominable Wampa Rug is a sweet bearskin substitute for Star Wars die hards…

$159.99 from Amazon »
R2D2 Water Bottle

R2D2 Water Bottle

My preparations to defend the Galactic Republic during thrice-weekly light saber sparring sessions in the parking lot under I-5 were working up a wicked thirst. A thirst the water from those plebeian store-bought plastic bottles just couldn’t quench. Out of desperation one night, I tried swigging…

Sold Out from Amazon »
Giant Talking Chewbacca

Giant Talking Chewbacca

Life-sized is still a few feet away, but this giant Chewbacca plush toy measures in at a formidable 24″ tall x 15″ wide. Which is probably bigger than the kid you’re going to pretend you’re buying him for. And when you press on his stomach, he growls. Just like some fat people and pregnant women!…

$78.17 from Amazon »
Darth Vader Ice Cube Tray

Darth Vader Ice Cube Tray

Darth Vader ice cubes make the season’s light saber red hues of Kool-Aid and Jones Soda all kinds of cool. Even better, the helmet molds are also approved for melted chocolate, hard candy, and gelatin, so a veritable fleet of Vaders can grace everything from drinks to s’mores to lollipops to Jell-O…

$12.50 from Amazon »
Star Wars Coffee Table

Star Wars Coffee Table

Could there be a more practical application for Star Wars action figures? I mean, aside from figuring out how to animate them, and building an army to storm the George Lucas compound? James Chillcott’s mixed media coffee table began as vintage printing press trays and a pair of steel dock pallets….

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Galactic Republic Passport

Galactic Republic Passport

Many of us used to think travel to and within the Galactic Republic was impossible due to its being make believe. But now we all know the truth that real Star Wars fans have always known: up until 2010, the Intergalactic Identity Management Agency simply hadn’t cleared residents of Planet Earth for…

R2D2 Apron

R2D2 Apron

What woman wouldn’t want a gift that reminds her both of her domestic duties and the George Lucas empire you eat, breathe, and talk about nonstop? R2D2 apron = Valentine’s Day, solved. The newest addition to the Haute Mess Threads Geek Chic Line is 100% cotton, with adjustable halter straps, and…

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Brainwave-Controlled Jedi Trainer

Brainwave-Controlled Jedi Trainer

Do you believe in the power of the human mind? If you said yes, and you are not a Buddhist monk, yogi master, hypnotist, or cult leader, you probably also believe in The Force. But while belief in The Force is one thing, mastery of The Force is another. Is your neurological focus, command, and self-actualization…

$179.99 from Amazon »
Remote Control Millennium Falcon

Remote Control Millennium Falcon

Star Wars fans rejoice. Take your crack at flying the legendary ride of none other than Han Solo himself. The RC Millenium Falcon puts you behind the controls of the smuggler’s ship. Although not armed with the laser cannons or concussion missiles of the real deal, we’re sure you can find other ways…

$70 from Amazon »
Princess Leia Bun Headphone Covers

Princess Leia Bun Headphone Covers

Things that have withstood the test of time: Star Wars; synthetic hair; cunning women’s ability to lure horny men by donning Princess Leia cinnamon buns. New to the mix is that these spirals o’ power are useful too. Permanently glue or temporarily attach them to a pair of headphones, and create instant…

Sold Out from Etsy »
Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

What took them so long? Although I’d prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo’s plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term threat to the great Wonka, diversifies vertically here with his first foray into…

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »
Chewbacco

Chewbacco

It is not often we come across something so special and unique. Who knew today would be that day? I woke up this morning in a Chewbacco-less world. Now, today, I walk around with a new confidence in mankind. If collectively, we can imagine something like this, anything is possible!…

$52 from Ebay »
Yoda Xmas Tree Topper

Yoda Xmas Tree Topper

Not sure how this new arrangement is going to fly in heaven. Hypothetical: Who would win in a battle between an army of Yodas with LED light sabers and a squadron of angels with golden-bladed halos blessed by God?…

$59.95 from NeatoShop.com »
Lightsaber Candlestick

Lightsaber Candlestick

When planning to have Luke, Obi Wan and Yoda over for a dinner party last month, it occurred to me that they might like to feel a little bit of home while in my strange quasi-bachelor pad apartment. You can imagine my excitement when I found these. Real mood setters….

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »
Star Wars Kids Prints

Star Wars Kids Prints

Available individually (for $20) or in this set of four, these prints depict some of your favorite Star Wars characters as children. Each print is 12×12 inches with a semi-gloss finish. Great for Star Wars fans… obviously….

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The Darth Knight

The Darth Knight

You love Batman, but you’re a loyal Star Wars fanboy. Halloween is coming up and you have a difficult decision to make. Can you betray Darth Vader for your new crush on the Dark Knight? Good news. You won’t have to. Mash those suckers up and please everyone involved….

$1,500 from Ebay »
Lightsaber Handle Flashlights

Lightsaber Handle Flashlights

Let’s face it, even though we’re adults now (sort of), we’re still very damn scared a little bit scared of the dark. Rather than walk this path alone, why not carry a known Jedi weapon at your side? It provides a sense of security. makes you look cool, and most importantly, shines light….

$17.54 from Amazon »
R2D2 Helmet

R2D2 Helmet

If they’re gonna make us wear helmets when we ride our bikes, then we might as well make a powerful fashion statement while following their rules. Enter the R2D2 helmet. Girl has some skills. Pretty cute too….

Han Solo Ice Cube Tray

Han Solo Ice Cube Tray

“I was under the impression it would hold molten carbonite as it states clearly in the title this is a carbonite MOLD and it’s very poorly constructed for this purpose. Secondly, it’s SMALL. No, you can’t put people in it it’s a stupid ice tray so maybe if you shrunk people down it would work.” -…

$9.01 from Amazon »
Mechanical Christ Series - The Fast Supper

Mechanical Christ Series – The Fast Supper

I don’t even know how to describe this. I think it’s both the scariest and coolest thing I’ve seen all week. It’s like a combination of Star Wars and Mad Max. I can here my mom already, “Why do you want something like that?”. Because Mom. Because….

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Star Wars Cookie Cutters

Star Wars Cookie Cutters

Luke (inhale, exhale) I am a cookie. Simple way to turn your stupid, boring, crappy cookies into something out of this galaxy. God I love cookies. If you don’t like cookies, try the pancakes….

$19.95 from Williams Sonoma »

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